You Are Not Me

I have a confession to make.  I am tired; I don't want to write tonight; I don't have any topics in mind to write about.

I guess that's three confessions.  But, really.  I am only writing for two reasons -- one, because I've been using a site called 750words.com which tracks whether or not I write every day and I get points for writing every day and, two, because if I don't write today, who knows when I'll write again.  I have to keep the cycle going or else I will lose it entirely.

Classes start tomorrow, so I suppose I can talk about that for a while.  I'm looking forward to trying some new things this semester, including one class that starts tomorrow -- Introduction to World Religions II.  I consider myself a Christian but I'm not very religious about it, though I've always been interested in the history of Christianity among other religions.  There are so many similarities between the stories in many of the religions that it's hard to believe that there isn't at least some truth to them.

I feel like, when I was younger, I struggled with my faith more than I do now.  I thought about my faith more actively when I was a child.  Now, I just accept it as it is and I don't question it unless I feel called to.  I have not attended church since I was fourteen or so because of changes in the church with which some of my family felt discomfort.  Still, God continues to be a constant presence in my life.  I tend to avoid talking about religion with friends and acquaintances.  Religion can be so messy, and honestly, my philosophy is that whatever feels right for you is right, as long as it doesn't harm others.  There's no sense getting hurt feelings or starting wars over it.

Surrounded by as many distractions as we are, it can be difficult to have a relationship with your god or religion or spirituality.  But as I mentioned earlier, my relationship with God leans toward the more casual side of things and that's okay.  As long as I feel I am being the best person I can be and admitting my mistakes and recognizing I am not a perfect human being, and not denying my God, then I believe I have a healthy relationship with my religion.  You may disagree and that's okay, too -- just don't push your beliefs on me.

The pushing-on of beliefs in various cultures is, I think, what gives so many religions a bad name.  I don't understand why we think it is so important that others believe what we believe.  If there is a "right answer," then why are these other people their responsibility?  In many cases, the constant badgering that some religiously-affiliated people do is considered harassment.  One of my first concert memories, when I was twelve or thirteen, involves a woman handing out religious pamphlets.  Whether this was because I was going to see a "pop-punk" band (Good Charlotte -- we must all be heathens), or because there was a large crowd, the woman was there, adamantly handing out her neon orange brochures.  When I worked in a McDonald's drive-thru, we had regular customers who would hand me a brochure with a cross on it when I gave them their change or their food.  It makes me wonder how frequently this method works in their favor and, if it's as seldom as I suspect, when they will learn that the method is not working, except for against them.

Sometimes, I wonder if the people who do this are the ones who are doubting their own relationship with God.  Maybe it works the same way bullies worked in grammar school -- they bullied you because they had low self-esteem themselves.  I'm generalizing, of course, but maybe that's the source of some of it.

As tomorrow and the first day of classes approaches, I really look forward to what I am going to learn about myself, the world, and religion this semester.  Religion is such a piece of the world's history and culture, and, in many ways, spirituality is such a core piece of just being.  Whatever I learn, I guess I'll never know the Big Answers until I die, which I have no intention of doing for several years to come (or ever, if I have it my way).  But who knows -- what I love most about religions (all religions, from what I can tell), is that so many of them are based in self-reflection.  And that's something I think the world could use a little of right now.