Why I Exercise

After over a week, I was finally feeling healthy enough to go back to the gym.  I only lasted about thirty minutes, but what can you do?  Right now, I'm focusing on what's important: that is, that I went at all.  And while I was pedaling away on the bike (and then running away on the elliptical), I tried to focus on something even more important: I am not doing this to be skinny, I am doing this to be healthy.

It's hard to have that mindset.  Every time I find myself thinking something along the lines of, "Get to the gym or you're just going to get fatter," or, "Go to the gym -- don't you want to be skinny?"  I have to stop myself and remind myself why I'm actually doing this.  Granted, my original reasons may have something to do with image, but I've recognized that thinking that way won't help me or make it any easier.

When I participated in groups on LiveJournal, I used to browse the "thinspo" or "thinspiration."  I never used it for myself, but I had a curiosity about the whole culture and was jealous of the dedication of these girls, even if what they were doing was hurting them severely.  On occasion, I'll still search the thinspo tag on Tumblr or Pinterest.  I'm still fascinated and still jealous.  But I recognize, at the very least, how very, very wrong it all is.  I suspect a lot of it has to do with culture and the general environment in which I was brought up.  Parents do their best (and mine certainly did) to show their daughters that they can do anything, be anything, and should love themselves.  But those two (or one) whisper(s) aren't enough to drown out the overwhelming shouts in Hollywood and the media.

Even Disney, as much as I hate to say it, contributes to this.  Have they ever had an "ugly" princess?  Not in my opinion.  Have they ever had a princess that was overweight?  No, unless it had to do with some brief joke or a plot device.  I love Disney -- I do, but they're not perfect.  A lot of people have called for princesses of other races.  I'm calling for a princess who has a normal body shape, at least.  I don't want it to be a plot device, I don't want it to be a joke: it should be ignored, just as the shapes of the current Disney princesses are ignored.  But I want a fat princess.

Things have been improving, little by little.  Although I haven't seen it, I understand Pitch Perfect's Fat Amy is all about self love.  But I also understand that her weight is something of a joke.  I'm tired of the fat funny person stereotype.  Chris Farley did it, John Goodman's done it, and Rebel Wilson is in the process of doing it.  Why does it always have to be a joke?  Why can't it just be?

I want to be represented.  If I was an animated person (uh, as in, drawn), I would do it myself.  Sadly I am made of flesh and bone instead of paint and film.  Who knows, maybe I'll write Disney's next princess screenplay.

I am not suggesting boycotting Disney movies.  For all the stereotypes they use and the negative messages they send, they are not infallible.  But they do have a lot of good messages.  Thieves can be redeemed (Aladdin, Flynn Rider), true love exists (uh, every Disney princess movie ever), and girls -- make that women -- can take care of themselves (Rapunzel, Tiana, Merida, Belle).  I recognize that some of these mention the newer films more heavily, but I think that's because Disney is becoming more aware of these issues.

Today I went to Goodwill to try to find some new clothes that are less casual than what I currently own.  While trying things on, I was relieved to find that much of what I picked out fit.  I was relieved to realize here it was not so much of a problem to find clothes that fit me.  If I went to another store, a "new goods" store, this would not be true.  I can't decide if this is because manufacturers discourage overweight people by not making enough or if these clothes are selling out because what is labeled as "large" is actually "normal" and should therefore be labeled "medium."  I don't know.

I exercise to save myself.  I exercise because it makes me happy.

I do not exercise to be skinny.