You're Ready for This

Recently I talked a little bit about taking risks and being brave.  I am going to discuss that a little bit more today, now that I have promised myself that I am going to follow through with some relatively scary plans for this summer.

Since my application for the Library of Congress Junior Fellows 2013 Internship was rejected (and don't worry -- I haven't given up hope for next year, and this time, I have a better plan to achieve that end), I have been doing a lot of thinking about what might happen this summer.  I worried a lot about money because at this point, I have to, and I worried about getting the most out of this summer -- that is, do something I would be excited to see on someone else's resume, let alone my own.  Basically, I had three options:

Stay at Hollins?

1. Stay in Roanoke at my school, work as a summer resident assistant and probably intern at the local library.  Pay would be involved for the summer resident assistant position, but it would be enough to live on for the summer and not much more.  (Sorry, Housing & Residence Life.)

Go back to New Hampshire
and McDonald's?

2. Go back to New Hampshire, have a more-or-less guaranteed job at McDonald's, maybe volunteer or intern at the local library.  Pay would be involved for McDonald's, but hours are never absolute.  I may have forty hours one week and four the next, which is not stable enough for my current position.  As for the library, I've interned there before and, while I did something that was important to the library, I don't feel I gained a lot of valuable experience.

Spend the summer in DC?

3. Risk everything -- go to the District of Columbia area for the summer.  Have an unlikely but potential internship at the local library (though duties are as of yet unknown, as are hours, and potential experience gain) where I will not receive monetary compensation.  Apply for other internships as the summer approaches, cross my fingers, and hope to do both the local library and another internship.  On top of this, write reviews for books for at least a little money.  And, oh, yeah -- write a novel.  A novel that may or may not be interactive with its audience.  Plus go out and talk to people a lot, because you never know who you might meet and how they can help you (or you help them).

As a person diagnosed with an panic disorder and depression, I am a naturally anxious person.  I am not someone who enjoys taking risks. Risks scare me, as they should.  All of these options, however, are relatively risky so, for once, I figured -- let's take the biggest risk.  If you haven't guessed yet, I'll be spending my summer in our nation's capital, working on beefing up my resume and LinkedIn profile.  The novel I have already begun planning (and written a whopping 167 words for).  I have continued to apply for relevant and interesting internships.  Friday, I reviewed a book as a paid trial run and am awaiting my verdict.

Before spring break, I was largely undecided as to what I was going to do this summer.  Before spring break, I had not heard from the Library of Congress and was (perhaps arrogantly, perhaps confidently) almost expecting a positive reply.  When that changed, I realized I needed to start making plans quickly.  I also realized that I was afraid to make those plans.

As I described in a recent post, I spent Thursday wandering around DC by myself -- a small event that was very scary for me.  But every time I succeeded that day (I took the correct route on the metro; I successfully arrived at the mall; I went through security in various museums by myself; I stayed alert and aware of my surroundings; I planned and located the correct station to meet my boyfriend in the afternoon; I waited while he finished work and kept myself occupied -- small victories, people, but important ones), I realized I was capable of making this summer a success, too, even if it meant doing something scary.

Something else that day really encouraged me to make this decision.  While going from the orange line to the red line (which required going upstairs), I saw an advertisement for a college.  While the fact that they were advertising for a college was irrelevant (I have my school and that's plenty expensive, thanks), the message they used to advertise struck me so that I took a picture of that advertisement.

As much as I've talked about all of this being a risk for me, many people would not consider it a risk -- I am not putting in anything, really.  I have nothing to lose at this point.

Except, from my point of view, I do.  What if I fail?

Yeah, what if?

But what if I succeed?

The advertisement at the metro station. I am ready for this.

McDonald's Image courtesy of SJPD.
All other photos mine.