Studs and Sluts

Warning: Adult Language

While I was exploring the city the other day, there were various things that caught my attention.  Like I did in eighth grade, there were many students stepping off of buses to tour the city.  Many of them were obnoxious but a set of three girls really made me realize how much of an impact attending Hollins University (a women's college) has made on me.  These girls also made me realize what a screwed up world we live in.

Clearly a little overwhelmed by everything going on around them, the girls got off the bus one by one.  It's really difficult to say how old they were -- they were as young as fourteen and as old as seventeen, I'd say.  All three wore a considerable amount of makeup, relatively tight jeans, and hoodies.  I knew these girls -- not personally, of course.  I knew them in the sense that they were characters that I had gone to school with.

These girls are the popular girls.  They fight frequently, draw on their shoes with pens, complain about school, spend most of their time "wit da boyz" or "at da mallllll!"  They smoke cigarettes, pot, both, or they at least pretend to.  And they call each other "bitch" for fun.

These three girls, then, are getting off the bus.  One of them stands near the curb, one steps off the bus, the other is in the middle.  Let's call the girl by the curb Chantelle, the one in the middle Shannon, and the one stepping off the bus Brianna.

Chantelle, annoyed that Brianna is taking so long, says, "Come on, whore."

At this point, I'm passing them on the sidewalk and I want to stop.  I want to shake her.  She apparently does not realize that by using this word in a joking or friendly manner only encourages the spread of the word.  It makes it okay for others to use the word, and in less friendly ways.

As I think about this later, I realize there is another layer of issues.

Why can't we use words like this in a friendly manner?  Why is there not a true positive female equivalent for "player" or "stud"?  Why can't we use "slut" or "whore" in that capacity?

These words have negative connotations.  They have inherited these connotations, I believe, simply because they are intended for women and not men.  In preparing for this post, I looked up the dictionary definitions of "slut" and "whore."  They are, according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary online, as follows:

Whore: a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : prostitute; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman

Slut: a : a promiscuous woman; especially : prostitute
b : a saucy girl : minx

For "slut" I have omitted the "chiefly British" definition, because these were words spoken less than a mile from America's Capitol Building.

Meanwhile, the definition for "stud" is:

Stud: a young man : guy; especially : one who is virile and promiscuous
b : a tough person
c : hunk

The difference in connotations between these two words are clear.  A slut is a tease, a bitch, a "saucy girl", a "minx".

The only relatively measurable adjective the definitions share is "promiscuous."  When it is paired with "stud" we also see "virile".  "Virile" typically means boyish, which we can infer a sense of health from.  Youth and health are always good things.  Therefore, a "stud" is a good thing.

But a "saucy girl" is frustrating, teasing, maybe even powerful -- and society does not like their women powerful.

That a slut is associated with prostitution is a further issue.  While I am not aware of knowing any prostitutes personally, I am sure there are plenty of prostitutes out there who either a) recognize that sex work is just that -- work, or b) take pride in their work.  While it may not be always the most hygienic job on the planet, it is a job and, if I understand correctly, potentially lucrative.  Why do we have to shame people for doing a job?  Surely, if these women (and men, of course) did not work as prostitutes, they would be condemned for relying on welfare by some members of society.  So why do we insist on using "slut" (a sometimes-synonym for "prostitute") as an insult?

I have issue, too, with the phrase "slut shaming" even when used as someone saying, "We should not be slut-shaming individuals."  Although it is a step in the right direction, the phrase still implies that being a "slut" is a bad thing.

A woman sleeps with many men and she is a slut.  She is a whore.  She is dirty and stupid and unfit for good company.

A man sleeps with many women and he is a stud.  He is a player.  He is to be admired and worshiped and would make a great best friend for all of the potential sexual access you (a man, of course) could gain.

It makes no sense to me that "slut" should be a bad word.  "Slut" should be a compliment, just like "stud" is.  But because the word has been used with a negative connotation for so long, it is no longer a bad word.

So these girls getting off the bus might be right -- "Come on, whore."

Maybe this girl, Bri, has a lot of sexual access.  And, while I'm not entirely sure high school students are educated enough to healthfully manage one sexual relationship, let alone many, I will not condemn her for having such access.  Because God knows we wouldn't shame Joe for sleeping with Bri, Chantelle, and Shannon.

Definition Images screenshots of Merriam-Webster Dictionary website, 23 March 2013.