First Day Jitters at the National Science Foundation

As I was preparing for my first day of my internship today, I had lots of advice flowing in from different sources in the days leading up to it. Many of my friends and family reminded me not to be nervous. I thanked them for their advice, but decided to ignore that specific nugget. If I'm not at least a little bit nervous, how can I be prepared?

The entrance I used into the NSF.

I've tried ignoring nerves for important events in the past. In those instances, when something went wrong, I was totally emotionally and mentally unprepared to deal with the setback. This time, however, I embraced the nerves. In doing so, I felt less nervous. My stomach did not turn the way it usually does before big events, I had a clear mind, and I was able to eat breakfast with ease.

Once I was ready, I grabbed my umbrella and headed out into the spitting rain.  I put up my umbrella, even though it wasn't raining very hard so I wouldn't get even a little bit drizzled on. I stopped in the mall near the National Science Foundation, changed from my sneakers to my black flats, and headed on the rest of the short walk.

When I got into the building, it seemed I had entered the wrong side, which I had. That ended up being okay, though, because the security desk was easy enough to find from where I was. I located the desk, introduced myself and said that I needed a visitors badge.

The woman there looked at me for a moment and said, "Are you here for the intern ...thing?"

I paused. "Um, yeah," I said. I was there for an internship, after all.

She asked for my name again and I gave it to her. Then she searched through rows of paper badges with names on them. She reported that there was no badge with my name on it.

"Um, okay. So...?"

I felt as if I was supposed to have the answer to this problem. I checked through the sheets of paper I had been sent a few weeks before in preparation for this very moment but found nothing that could help me out of this situation. The woman looked around and then said I could go into room 120 and get a badge after. I was doubtful, given that my sheet said I was to report to room 315, but figured if other interns were headed there then it couldn't be the worst option.

When I got into the room, it was full of people who looked a few years older than I am. They were, I also noticed, very ethnically diverse. While I expected the program to be somewhat diverse, I wasn't prepared for the number of accents I heard in the room. It seemed off to me and the agenda on the big pull-down screen on the wall didn't seem appropriate, either. I checked with a woman with a badge.

"Excuse me? I just want to be sure I'm in the right place." I showed her the letter I had received.

"Room 315," she noted.

"Thanks." I gathered my bags and folder and left then, unsure of where to go next. I headed back to the security desk with no other ideas in mind. The elevators were nearby so I considered them for a moment while a security guard watched on.

"I can't let you on without a badge," he said.

Again, I was stuck. I returned to the desk. This time I spoke to a different woman. She was soft-spoken but I explained my predicament. Again she checked for a badge with my name. Then she conferred with others behind the desk. She asked for the name of a contact and I gave her the letter.

She called someone upstairs and they told her to give me a visitor's badge -- exactly what I had requested the first time around. I was told to return the badge at the end of the day and sent to room 315. The security guard allowed me on the elevator this time and I headed up to the third floor.  There, I made my way to room 315. I entered the room and saw a woman sitting at a desk.

She asked me if I was one of the interns and I said yes.

"You just missed them. They went down to the lobby."

I groaned. A man walked through the office just as I said, "Okay."  He said he was heading down to the room where the others were and that he could take me down. I followed.

Don't let the jitter bugs intimidate you. They're here to help!

Once I was settled downstairs (late, because of the chaos of finding the right pace), I looked around the room and realized that, despite how stressful the last fifteen minutes had been, that I had not freaked out. Two years ago, I would have cried in frustration, maybe even gone home. Today, I sat in my chair and waited for the next section of the agenda to begin, as if nothing had happened.

This reaction, or lack thereof, I think is a result of embracing the nerves. I was prepared for emotional and mental upset because I did not deny that I was nervous. So, rather than deny feelings of anxiety, sometimes it's best to greet them, look them in the eye, and say, "I'm glad you're here."

National Science Foundation image courtesy of NSF.
Cute bug image courtesy of Cute the World.