It's Okay to Be Selfish

There is some statistic that floats around about how Americans don't take enough vacation time compared to other countries' workers.  As my boyfriend and I try to work out when and how long we can visit my hometown this summer, vacation time is a substantial issue and I'm frustrated for him.  He frequently works late and then comes home to work some more.  He works on the weekends.  He puts in a lot of thought into everything he does.  And he rarely has time for himself.

If I didn't think he loves what he does as much as he does, I wouldn't let him do this.

I know what it's like to burn out, and without even realizing you're doing it.  My first year as a resident assistant, my supervisors and previous RAs stressed how important it was to use the four days off we get

Buying more clocks won't give you
more time.

monthly.  I went on my happy way after training.  August finished out, we started classes in September, October flew by, and then we were in late November.  I had not used a single day.  I was proud of that fact, too.  I didn't need them.  After all, it's not like I had residents knocking on my door all the time and my school work was on time and well done.

Until late November.

In late November, I got hit with a ton of big projects and papers.  Thanksgiving break was approaching, I had to give up a weekend to attend VACUHO (a state-wide resident assistant conference -- I went eagerly and voluntarily but hadn't considered my assignment schedule very well), and I had been off my anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication for nearly five months.  Still, I didn't take time off.

And then I broke down.  It was a huge mess.  I cried nonstop for a few days, had to go home a couple of days early because that was the only way I was getting a ride home, barely turned my things in on time, and was doubting whether or not I was actually any good at my job.  Or anything, for that matter.

December was a short month, but I took my birthday off.  The following semester, I made sure to use all four days each month, even if I didn't have anything planned.  Even just to use a day to get off campus and go to the mall or downtown helped.

My supervisor has since used me as a willing example during RA training.  She encourages me to tell my story whenever the question of time off comes up and I always insist RAs take the time off (even though that's the same thing RAs did to me when I trained the first time -- I emphasize that I know they're probably thinking, "Yeah, whatever, I don't need time off," but they actually do.)

Now that I take the time off, life is easier.  I don't feel guilty about taking the time off because it's good for me.  And whenever I'm feeling stressed or just like I haven't had enough me time recently, I ignore my homework for an afternoon (assuming I'm caught up enough) and catch up on Doctor Who or Once Upon a Time.

Yesterday afternoon, I was able to go back to the gym for the first time in a month -- it was so great.  Last night, I took time away from homework to paint my nails.  This weekend, I plan on setting aside some guitar time.

Relaxation leads to productivity.

You are not a bad person for setting aside your duties once in a while.  You can't perform your duties well, in fact, if you are continuously burnt out.

I realized, recently, this also translates to relationships.  Sometimes, you have to let go of some relationships in order to be a healthier individual and a better friend, sister, brother, parent, daughter, son, co-worker, or whatever else you might be.  Cutting those relationships may be painful, but hopefully the person on the other end will understand, especially if you explain that you feel like you're putting too much into the relationship and not getting enough out of it or that it's making it more difficult to be a good (insert title here).  You can always tell this person you're happy to try being friends, romantic partners, crossword buddies, or Dungeons and Dragons pals in the future, but right now the best thing for you is to take a break.  And that's okay.

So take a deep breath, enjoy the spring weather, do whatever it is that gives you a break emotionally, mentally, and physically and focus on you.  It's okay to be selfish.  I'm giving you permission.

Both images courtesy of Morgue File.