Of D.C., Dunkin' Donuts, and Daring

Tomorrow I will be returning to the Arlington/Washington, D.C. area. I've spent the last week in southern New Hampshire. It was not until now, driving around familiar places and showing my boyfriend around town, that I realized how simple my hometown really is.  Unlike Arlington, there are far fewer main roads in my town.  Traffic is lighter, the food is less exotic, and it's not unusual to bump into a few people you know when you go out (we saw my cousin and cousin-in-law at Applebees for lunch the other day and they do not even live in this town anymore).

Distance between Arlington and Derry (though this isn't the
route I take, because driving through NYC is horrible).

My boyfriend has assured me that, by the end of the summer, I will feel similarly about Arlington. Everything will be familiar and safe. I'm not so sure. Most of my days will be spent within a two-mile radius, I'm unsure about with how many people my own age I'll be interacting, and given that I'll spend most days working, I probably will not have a lot of time to explore the city. Furthermore, the culture is, I already know, very different from what I grew up with.  As of 2011, New Hampshire was 94.6% white. Arlington has a white percentage of 77.3%. Certainly its still the majority, but it will be a fairly significant change. Virginia itself has nearly eight times the number of people as New Hampshire does. I've had roughly eighteen years to acclimate to New Hampshire and my relatively small town. A few short months in Arlington will not be enough to truly feel as comfortable.

There can never be enough Dunkin's
iced coffee in my life. 

I expect to feel perfectly safe. My safety isn't an issue. But will I feel like myself? I don't know. This is what has been plaguing me the last few days as I drive by my local library, the familiar buildings of my high school, and making trips to the mall twenty minutes from my house. I know the exact location of all of these things. If I need a gallon of milk, I can immediately name three nearby places to obtain it. If I want some Dunkin' Donuts, I know there are at least six of them in my town, and two more not much farther off. I have a vague idea of where I can find one Dunkin's in Arlington, but I couldn't tell you how to get there.  With gas prices what they are, particularly near the city, it doesn't make sense for me to just drive around until I gain my bearings. I could study maps, but I doubt it would do much good for me -- my brain doesn't take in maps very well, it seems.

Just as I was several months ago when I originally decided to stay in Washington, D.C., I am scared. I am confident that I will survive, just as I always do, but a little fear is healthy.  We don't admit to our fear frequently enough. We see it as a weakness, rather than what it really is: just the awareness that we are entering a situation in which we will be uncertain or in potential danger. This awareness is an excellent feature evolution has fashioned for us to keep us safe. Why do we continue to reject it? Why do we tease people who experience fear? We should be embracing fear.

My boyfriend and I were talking about bravery the other day. It occurred to me that it is impossible to be brave without being afraid. By my definition (and perhaps the dictionary definition), you experience bravery because of fear. Acting despite the fear is bravery. Ignoring fear or denying fear is not bravery. Accepting fear and using it to propel you is bravery.

This summer I will be afraid, but I will also be brave. Despite the sense of unfamiliarity and disorientation, I will take on Arlington just as I took on Roanoke when I began college at Hollins University three years ago. I know it will be a challenge but recognizing that its a challenge is half the challenge itself. Every day I will take time to praise myself for successfully completing another day, for taking risks, for doing something that is challenging and scary.  I will take the time to recognize that I was brave that day, even if I "chicken out" on in some circumstance.

Maybe if we all accept that fear that plagues us, we will be able to claim it for our own use and overcome it. Nothing is ever accomplished if we don't first acknowledge our challenges and obstacles. Fear is that first obstacle.